Controlled Chaos
by LivingInAYellowSubmarine
Summary: Who is better in a fight? Well, paintball fight anyway. Werewolves or vampires? Emmett really wants to find out...  Good luck to him, because even we haven't decided who is going to win yet! Various POV's, not just Emmett.
1. Eyeliner

Controlled Chaos

**A/N – This is a joint story between InLoveWithAFairytale and TheHeightOfAwesomeness. (Shameless plug to go check out our other stories!) So, read and review!**

Emmett's POV

"Uncle Emmett, can you open the door, it's Jake" screeched Renesmee from upstairs. I wondered why she wasn't coming down herself – she normally hurtled herself towards the door when ever Jake came over. Alice was probably giving her yet another makeover. I shuddered; never would I let Alice anywhere near me with eyeliner again, even if Nessie begged me to. Who was I kidding? Of course I would let Nessie get her own way. She may be the physical age of 16, but boy did she know how to throw a hissy fit. My eardrums have never been the same since.

I ambled slowly over to the front door, where Jake stood outside in a pair of dark jeans.

"You could have at least put on a shirt," I said, faintly annoyed.

"Do I tempt you too much for you to handle?"

I wrinkled my nose at him. "I could do so much better than you, mutt."

"Believe that if you want," Jake smiled.

"You should try putting a top on once in a while though – not everyone enjoys looking at your 3 pack" I retorted, annoyed that he was starting to rival me in the 6 pack status.

Jake smirked, "Scared of a little competition, bloodsucker?"

"Go sniff Paul's ass, pup!"

"Go get a tan, anaemic boy!"

"Come on boys, take it down a step." Bella had walked over, placing one hand on each of us, presumably to stop us. Yeah right, like that would stop me. I backtracked. Yes, yes it would. Stupid freakish newborn strength…

I grinned at Jacobs retreating back as he waked into the kitchen where everyone else was. Bella pushed me (I would never get used to this) into the kitchen as well, when I heard Edward mutter to Bella, "I would feel a lot better about this if he wasn't half naked."

She slapped his arm. Ha! "Renesmee's 16 now, she can date if she wants to."

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Well, technically she's 8 months old, you know."Bella gave me the evil eye, before mouthing "You're not helping," at me.

I wandered away from them to where Rosalie and Alice stood with their heads together, whispering and giggling. When I got closer they immediately stopped staring at Jacob. Jealously raged through me and Jacob noticed. "Don't beat yourself up man; girls always go for the hotter guy!"

"Exactly. Guy. So where does that leave you dog?"

"If that's the case, where does that leave you leech?"

"Don't even start this, 'cos you know that you're going to lose."

"Oh yeah? And how are you going to win?"

"Easy! Vamp, super strong, six pack. Oh, and hot!" Emmett checked each one off with his fingers.

"Don't forget totally Gay. I mean come on man, eyeliner?" Jake added.

I wiped my face and grumbled dejectedly, "Nessie made me."

"You're more in touch with your feminine side than I thought!" Jasper sniggered, appearing from nowhere.

"Yeah, I guess Rose hates that!" Edward laughed. I growled at them, about to lash out, when Rosalie leaned over and whispered, "You still rock my socks, babe."

That's my Rose.

I childishly stuck my tongue out at Edward and got him rolling his eyes at me in return. What? I thought. He shook his head and left the room, probably to find Bella.

I turned back to Jake, and said, "You, me, outside now." The only reason I wasn't staying inside is because Esme would kill me. Or make my life hell for the next half a century if I broke anything.

"Sorry, but you're not really my type."

I growled at him, before Nessie came running into the room and stood protectively in front of Jake.

"No! Uncle Emmett!"

"Nessie, hun, move out of the way. Jake and I just have to sort a few things out."

"No!" she screamed, pouting.

Edward and Bella came rushing into the room. "What's going on?" Bella asked, worried.

Their presence didn't stop me. "This is war, Chihuahua. Woof woof!"

"Chihuahua? And you did NOT just bark at me," Jacob snarled.

"Well, it's a hell of a lot better than licking you!" I chuckled.

"This is so much more than a war, Dracula, this is a massacre!"

"Oh my god, I know that look" Alice whined, taking one look at my face. Her own face became vacant as she saw flashes of what I was planning.

"Emmett, what are you thinking?" Rosalie moaned, annoyed to be left out the loop.

"A huge, explosive, mind blowing idea!" I beamed.

"Which is ...?" Jacob asked, also looking annoyed.

"Can you not take a hint, mongrel? Explosive!"

"We are not blowing anything up. Do you not remember what happened last time?" Edward winced.

"What happened last time?" Bella asked, looking unnaturally interested.

"I _accidentally_ blew off Edwards eyebrows!"

"Wha-t?" Bella choked, while Jacob barely managed to stifle a laugh.

I could see Nessie looking over at Jasper, her eyes pleading with him. Just like always she won her battle, even though I was pretty sure Jasper would have intervened with Bella's temper anyway.

"Uncle Em and I were helping Rose out with the Jeep, but I got bored so Emmett decided to do some chemistry experiments, but it sort of went completely wrong…" Renesmee trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"Jasper reattached them" Rosalie chuckled.

Bella looked incredulously over at him.

"I've encountered a lot of strange injuries in my time." At this Bella looked stricken.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her face still a picture. Where was my camera when I needed it?

"Let's just say that some things are better left unsaid." He hastily concluded, taking one look at Edward frantically shaking his head.

Bella still looked a bit annoyed, then all of a sudden, her anger came raging back.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET AN 8 MONTH OLD NEAR EXPLOSIVES?" Bella shrieked, loud enough to make everyone wince, and to make Jake stop laughing.

"I thought she was 16?" Not even I could resist the temptation of a chance to make her eat her own words.

Bella's murderous glare broke as Nessie finally looked up, "It was my idea, and I begged them not to tell you. Sorry mommy."

"It's okay baby, just don't lie to me again," Bella marched over to give her a hug.

"Right, back to this mind blowing idea?" Jacob said in-between hiccups.

"You had to remind him didn't you?" Rosalie sighed.

"Paintballing!" I grinned mischievously.

**A/N – Like it? Let us know what you think, i.e., review! =D**


	2. Blueberry muffins

**A/N – Next chappie up now =D I know that there are a few paintball stories out there, but we haven't seen one with the Cullen's Vs Wolves, so this is different! Enjoy! **

**Jacobs POV**

I knew before I even arrived to Emily's that the pack would be there. Probably stuffing their faces with blueberry muffins. At the thought of food my stomach growled, highlighting the fact that I hadn't eaten in ages. God, I hope there was still some left. I walked into the house with Nessie at my side and sure enough, they were all sitting around the little table.

"Any left?" I asked, after seeing what Renesmee wanted through her thoughts.

"You know we don't mind you flirting, but the touching has to stop!" Paul teased, looking at Renesmee's hand on my arm.

"Watch it Paul, you don't want anything else broken, do you?" I smirked, recalling the memory of the last time I broke his nose.

"Hey, Renesmee!"

Nessie pulled away from me and ran over to give Emily a hug. When they let go, Emily went back into the kitchen and brought out another plate of muffins. Embry reached over to grab one but got whacked on the head by Emily.

"Ladies first!" She gestured to Nessie to help herself before letting anyone else take one, even Sam.

"Why do chicks always stick together?" Quil asked.

"Because we need to," Emily said, simply.

"Hey Nessie," Leah smiled as she sat down. She had been slowly warming to Nessie over the past few months. Maybe it was because she was half human and not a bloodsucker? I really didn't know but I was grateful to her for trying.

"So, are you going to tell them Jake?" Renesmee asked.

"Tell us what?" Sam asked, suspicious.

"Nothing bad," I reassured everyone, "But I can't guarantee that it won't be bad for the Cullen's…"

That had definitely caught their attention. Embry had even abandoned his muffin on the table, not even noticing when Paul grabbed it from right underneath his nose.

"We're going to have a paintball fight with the Cullen's!" I smiled, watching everyone's' reactions. Leah just simply said "whatever", while Embry, Quil, and Paul and whooped and cheered. Nessie ran back over to Emily and showed her the conversation from back at the Cullen's house.

"You guys up for it then?" I laughed, before backtracking at Leah's growl and saying, "Er… I mean… You lot up for it?"

"How many of them are there?" Sam asked, ever being strategic.

"Eight of them, not including Nessie."

"So we need to match their numbers," he said, more talking to himself than me, as he did a quick head count.

"There are seven of us in this room – you, me, Leah, Seth, Embry, Paul, and Quil" Sam continued, "so can you go and find Jared?"

"Paul, go find Jared" I said as I threw myself down on the nearest seat and helped myself to a muffin.

"Why me?" he asked outraged.

"You need the exercise."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I rolled my eyes before saying, "Just go find him, yeah? You can have a shot on my motorbike if you go."

"I'd just take your bike anyway" he muttered as he ran out the door, not fast enough to dodge the muffin that I threw at him though.

"Once you've finished acting like a kid," Sam glared, "maybe you could tell us when this paintball fight is going to take place?"

"Tomorrow morning," I choked through a mouthful of food, "meeting up at the old clearing."

**Review! 3**

**Oh, btw Nicole, the cat jokes in the next chapter =P **


	3. Ginger the cat

**A/N – Next chapter up! We are going to try and upload the chapters a bit faster now – once a week hopefully. Don't kill us if we don't though – one word – homework =( **

**Anyway, the cat jokes in this one Nicole! (You get a mention! =O haha, thanks for naming the cat!) If you'll find it funny though is an entirely different story XD**

**Disclaimer – We don't own anything recognisable. Sadly.**

**Bella's POV**

That night passed extremely quickly; everything a blur of my family rushing about planning what we were going to do ( and what we were going to wear in Alice's case). Emmett kept on getting in everyone's way, as usual, resulting in Carlisle thinking he had somehow managed to get high. It turned out that Jasper had increased his feeling of excitement and that was what had made Emmett do the "rain dance" outside in the pouring rain. I was extremely relieved when the night was over, and it was time to meet up at the clearing.

We were all on our way now, and I could see the wolves congregating in the clearing about a mile away. My stomach churned as the feeling I always got whenever I saw the clearing overwhelmed me. I still couldn't believe that we had made it out of all those near death experiences (well, near death for me anyway). It seemed weird - all of our fights ended up leading here. It was like fate pushed us here every other month or so, challenging us to see if we would survive. Hopefully this "battle" wouldn't end in death; though with the way that Emmett was glaring at the wolves, a casualty might just happen.

As we reached the wolves, I started to walk over to Jake, but before I could even say hi, Renesmee screamed and ran at full speed pouncing on him. God, what was wrong with my daughter? She saw him yesterday for crying out loud! I hope I wasn't like that.

Before I realised what was going on, Edward leant down and whispered, "You were worse. At least she doesn't mumble in her sleep!"

I looked up at him in horror, realising that I had done it again. Carlisle, Jasper and Edward had all figured out that when I felt a very strong emotion, like fear or anger, then my "defences" came down, and Edward could hear what I was thinking. I glared at my husband and turned to Jared, who had started talking.

"So are we playing or what? I hate seeing people ogle each other - it's gross!" he chuckled, good naturedly, glancing over at Jake and Nessie.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett boomed.

"Okay then, I think we need to clear up some rules; no hand to hand combat – only guns - _paintball guns_ Emmett!" Carlisle said, instantly taking control, his voice carrying around the clearing.

I looked around at Emmett, just in time to see him rolling his eyes, and mutter "No blooming fun anymore…"

Carlisle continued without acknowledging him, "Also Bella, could you block everyone's minds from Edward?"

"What?" my husband seethed outraged.

"It makes it fair," I soothed, hugging him tightly, almost crushing his bones in the process. "Oops, oh my gosh sorry!"

"I'm fine love," he told me, ignoring Emmett's guffaws.

"Do you really think-"Jasper cut in, yet again worried about my self control.

"She's fine, Jas."

"But the thirst…"

"I said she will be fine," Edward repeated, looking faintly annoyed.

"So, you agree Bella?" Carlisle asked.  
"Yeah, okay."

"Also, if you wouldn't mind, no transforming," he directed to the wolves.

"How are we supposed to shoot a gun if we are in our wolf form anyway?" Paul laughed, probably imagining himself just like that. I would have to ask Edward later.

"Fair point," Carlisle smiled. "Okay then, if you get hit, you have to go to the enemies – er… other team's base," he corrected himself, after one look at Esme. "We would have to go to your house Jake, and you would go to ours. After you get there, someone from your team has to come and get you out."

"This is how you play paintball?" Quil asked, looking around for support.

"This is how you play _our_ version of paintball!" Emmett laughed.

"So what's next? Each team has a mascot?" Embry sneered.

"Hell yeah! Ours is a bear! Yours can be a pussy if you want," Emmett replied, not realising what he had just said.

"Aww is little Emmy jealous 'cos he's not getting any?" Paul choked with laughter.

"What are you talking about? I'm serious! Yours can be the cat." Everyone started laughing.

"What are you all laughing at?" he whined. I'm so glad I can't blush anymore - if I was still human I would resemble a beetroot by now.

"Emmett baby, you do realise what you just said, don't you?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, that their mascot can be a cat…" This time the wolves were rolling around the forest floor laughing their heads off. The only person that didn't get it was Emmett. Even Seth knew what it was - his face was flushed bright red, causing the wolves to laugh even harder at his expense.

"Oooh and your daddy's a doctor!" Jacob jibed, only just managing to keep his amusement under control.

"Burn!" someone else coughed.

Emmett's face looked puzzled. "What's wrong with all of you? It's just a kitty!"

"It's just a WHAT?" Paul said, barely controlling his laugher. He had obviously misheard what Emmett had said and to tell you the truth, I really didn't what to know. He and his mind equalled disturbing sick thoughts. I felt very sorry for Edward.

"It's just a pussy. Oh, can we call it Ginger?" This brought on a whole new round of hysterics. "No, wait. Now I want to see Ginger!"

The look on Rosalie's face was priceless – a mix of complete mortification and the need to rip her husbands head off. Before she could so much as snarl at him though, Carlisle blinked and swiftly said, "Moving On."

Carlisle began talking again, causing the laughter to die down. He started going on about some other rules, but I was only half listening – Jasper had moved over to stand next to Emmett and whispered something in his ear. He spoke to quietly for me to hear, before looking up and smirking at me, probably sensing my annoyance. Emmett had a look of horror on his face, and spat out," You sick freaks!" His outburst resulted in everyones hysterics coming back.

"Oi! Leah may be a freak but she's got feelings too!"

I glanced over at Leah to see how she would react, but she was already up and chasing after Paul, throwing bits of the forest at him as she went.

Emmett looked as if the penny had dropped, before yelling, "GINGER?" and looking at his wife. "You thought…..naw!"

"Can we please not start this again?" Carlisle groaned, "and will you all stop laughing?" he gestured at Jasper, and everyone instantly calmed down, the odd hiccup from Seth puncturing the air every once in a while.

"Someone will have to go and get Paul and Leah now, if you want this game to start," Esme spoke up, for the first time this morning.

"Yeah, who knows what their getting up to!" Quil laughed, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ugh, gross man! That's my sister!" Seth groaned, looking disgusted.

"I'll get them," Sam said, after glaring at Quil for annoying Seth. He stood up and ran into the forest, before transforming into his wolf form and running off.

I glanced up at Edward, looking at him questioningly.

"They're not to far out, love. It'll take them a few minutes to get back."

I smiled up at him, before looking around for Alice, as she'd been really quiet these past 15 minutes. I quickly found her standing near Jasper, perfecting my daughters' eyeliner. No wonder Emmett had edged closer to me all of a sudden.

"Right then," Carlisle smiled, as Leah and Paul came crashing into the clearing, with Sam walking shortly behind them. "Who's ready to play paintball?"

**A/N – Thanks to everyone that took the time to review - it means a lot to us =D **


	4. Diabolical Plans

**Diabolical Plans**

**Disclaimer: We don't own anything recognisable. **

**We are so sorry for how long this took to update! School and homework has been a bitch! You can all have a virtual cookie for waiting so long for this chapter! *Hands out virtual cookies* **

Leah's POV

The Cullen's make me sick, seriously! Point number one - They stink something fowl! Two - They are all lovey dovey, especially the newly weds, and lastly, point number three - They think they are all better than us. I mean honestly, they could never compete with us! All they want is to suck blood! I don't care if they are meant to be "different", they are still vultures! The only one that I can stand is Nessie and that's because I know that it's not her fault for what she is, and she is sort of human. Her mother however makes me sick. Why in the world would she have wanted to turn into a monster? I know, "love" right? My honest opinion, Love stinks.

Sometimes I wish I could be all wolf. I know at first I hated it, but now I have to sit with Sam and Emily as they kiss and snuggle up to each other, then I get the lowdown of everything that happened through Sams thoughts. God, I _hate_ it! If I was all wolf I wouldn't have to deal with that. The only reason I wanted to play this stupid game was because I was frustrated. At least now I can take my anger out on that stupid blonde leech, the hyperactive pixie and most importantly Swan! Or should I say Mrs. Cullen? Whatever. I don't really care. I don't even know what Jacob ever thought was attractive about her. He probably only liked her because she was out of bounds or something. Guys are so stupid! Speaking of out of bounds, isn't my darn cousin out of bounds? I know I can't really blame Emily or Sam as it was the whole imprinting thing, but still it crushed me. Boy trouble; that's the only thing I have in common with the newest bloodsucker. However, her attempt at 'suicide' sent them all running back to her. Can't see that ever happening to me. I hate seeing everyone happy - it just makes me more depressed. Anyway, back to my plan. I want to crush those suckers till they're screaming for mercy! Most of the guys want to take a hit at that big bulky vampire Emmett, but I want to piss off his wife, and I was definitely going to do it!

Those blonde locks are going to be blue by the time I'm done with her! My perfect plan was a water gun filled with hair dye for that bitch! Now she will look even more fake than she already does! Her hair would match that Katy Perrys music video, California girls I think it was? The only reason I knew about it was because my idiot brother was obsessed with her, and sang her songs in the shower. The idiot didn't know that Paul had recorded him singing and put it on you tube.

The Pixie - now she was going to be fun! Clothes and paint do not equal a very good result, well for her. For me it would be hilarious! Us wolf's had picked red paint to shoot them with, so lets just say that they will look like the victims this time, rather than the poor bunnies that they probably ate.

Now for Bella. Well, she was going to be a difficult one, especially with her controlling husband and her past lover, Jacob. What could I do? Hmmm, how about 'accidentally' shooting Nessie? That could work! She would be unarmed with no one around her so I could hide in the trees so that no one would see me. Plus, this would piss off the other two as well as Bella for ruining Nessies outfit! Oh, my diabolical plans are so epic!

Well, although my plans were amazing, the boys had not been as creative as me. Their plan consisted of jumping from tree to tree like monkeys, before shooting the Cullen's from above. Let's just say that with the emo vampire and his civil war training, these stupid boys idea of a'mind-blowing' plan wouldn't work that well. We were sure too lose, but at least I was going to have some fun!

**Jaspers POV**

I took in the faces of my family, wondering if I would ever see them again after this war was over. I felt quite sad that not all of us might not make it through the battle, and was just about to think of revenge on the wolves for killing my beloved family members when Edward knocked me out of my daydream by telling me to "knock it off."

I didn't ask him to listen into my thoughts though did I? Idiot. Edward shot me the evils and I made him feel extremely guilty. I backtracked – knock it off? Edward was spending too much time with Seth, that saying was far too modern for someone as stuck up as Ed-

Edward threw a small boulder at me. Real mature Edward, I thought, knowing that he would still be listening to my thoughts.

"It's also 'real mature' to believe that anyone's going to die in a _paintball_ fight" Edward so helpfully reminded me.

I ignored him and turned to my family, who were all congregated in the kitchen. "Right then, strategies. You're all going to want to be extremely careful" I began.

"No, you're going to want to be careful. I don't!" Emmett said, before turning to Rosalie and asking her, "Do you?"

"Shh babes, Jasper is just going all civil war on us, that's all"

I glared at her, before saying "The wolves will almost definitely go for us the way a newborn would and – "

"I don't need you to tell me how to take Jake down – I've been planning it since the year dot" he said, for some reason looking down at his chest. I would have to ask Edward what he was on about later. Edward smirked and mouthed, "He's jealous!"

I looked at Edward in confusion. He's jealous of Jake? Why did that have to sound so dodgy? Edward laughed, causing everyone to look at him.

"What's so funny?" Bella smiled at her husband.

"Never mind love," Edward answered, shaking his head.

I looked pointedly at Edward, until he mouthed, "Six pack."

Ahh. It all made sense now I inwardly laughed.

"So" I continued, pretending that Edward and my conversation hadn't taken place, "we need to take the wolves by surprise and – "

"This isn't the civil war, Jazz."

I glared at Emmett angrily, while causing him to feel guilty.

"What?" he whined, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"Don't joke about that. Anyway, without a plan of action how do you expect to win this fight?

"The old fashioned way"

"This is the old fashioned way," I said, thinking back to all those strategic meetings we had had in the war.

"Haven't you seen Narnia? Just run at them and they will scatter!"  
I groaned. Esme was right about Emmett watching too many films.

"Ha! You don't have anything to say to that! I win!" He yelled in delight.

"Look", I said, slowly losing the will to live, "Just- "

"Run at the wolves!"

"Run at the wolves" I finished, sighing in defeat, opting for the easier option of just letting Emmett get is own way. Moronic overgrown baby. With his idiotic ideas we were sure to lose now!

**Special shout out to pixie'sbestfriend and duckvader23 – You guys are awesome for reviewing all our chapters =) **

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